Sooooo…. camp fire, fam. I can finally speak about it.
Si When I was sixteen.
OOOOOH MMMMMAA GASH… I had a crush. Mad crush. Woi. My Lord.

  1. It wasn’t a crush crush. More like a crush, but not exactly a crush. Like it’s a crush but inter- nal. Silent. Incognito. Like my server had been hacked but I don’t know how. Like your first crush who is not an award winning African American RNB artist. Someone local. Si you know.

Aaaaaany who.

So there was this chick. A Halla Dem. Yaani Mhala. A very good friend of my late sister, Caro. Very beautiful. Kizungu iko chonjo. Ngeli na msamiati imesoma. Tabia haina ile. Zgwembs ziko fine-thank-you. Opposition Research ilikuwa inashow naweza ku-lead kwa polls nikiji- toklezesha kwa uwanja. Grades sio mbaya. Sifa zake zimeenea. She could make salad, apparently but my greatest food concern was chipo za msoro pale Calif and Bhajia za pale Jino Moja. Dhafu tu ndio kidogo ilikuwa absent kwa kila mtu kwao but I was willing and ready to live with that.

Her name, Lilian. Wueh wueh wueh.

Grab a cup and sit down.

So Lillian was in the worship team kwa the local church. Mimi niko kwa War Sheep team mtaani. Yaani vita ovyo ovyo na Kondoo binadamu pale mtaani zenye hazileti shangwe. Msichana yuko Banda School, mimi equivalent ya Kibanda School. Hao wanaishi kwa estate, sisi kwa gorofa. Sisi tunavaa sweater hao wanaziita cardigans. Hapo Eastleigh tu.

But najipatia motisha nikishikilia tumaini, najiambia kama wazee walitoka Kapenguria na wakaingoza hii nchi, ata mimi nitashinda vita. Mbele Pamoja.

Haya. So my strategy is to join the worship team. Sijaona mwangaza bado, by the way. But Niko na shida kidogo. Au kubwa. Depends on how you look at it.

Shida mostly ilikuwa ni sauti haijaamua kama tuko soprano ama bass. Tuko in between all at the same time together at once mara hiyo hiyo. Like I would cue the choir with all their parts at once by just saying, ‘Good afternoon.’

So nimepanga game. Kwanza ni kutest waters. One day I tell her, ‘I like your school. If I was a girl aki I would have joined your school.’

Her: Aki the way I chukia that shule of ours.
Me: (Eyes grown wide like what’s happening, I am confused). Even me I don’t penda your shule. Now what shule is hiyo of yenu. I was just jaribuing to make you feel vizuri.
Her: (Inaudible) Did he just say that.
Half time. Bado tuko nil-nil.

An’aa time bana.

Me: Can I escort you?
Her: No. (She thinks a bit) Ok. But mpaka kwa gate. My zecks d’aent like wavulanas in our nyumba ongearing with wasichanas.
Me: (Cant believe it for a minute she said talks like this all the time). Sawaz.

My dad would have gone to jail for voluntary manslaughter if he ever heard any one of his children speak such incoherent nonsense boldly and unashamedly.

But I don’t care right now. I am only happy that I am found worthy to walk side by side with Lillyanne. Hivyo ndio ulikuwa unataja jina yake.

So game imepangwa. Opposition research iko sawa. Worship team auditions pale DC Eastleigh zimeitwa.


Sema ku-practice na Boys II Men pale. Kidogo, ‘Sisi wanawako tumekusanyika, angalia Baba.’ Kidogo, ‘Bwana Yesu anameremeta.’ Kidogo tena, ‘Tutabidilishwa tufanane naye.’

A day to the audition nywele kwenye relaxer. Kwapa wembe ni ule ule. Shati ni Satin ya red na back up ya blue. If all fails, vest ni ya Chicago Bulls. Sasa tunangoja Kuumira. That evening she comes to our house to see my Siz. I tell her am joining the team. She is excited and tells she is the one auditioning guys and asks me to sing.

First song, and she is like, ‘Ai. Do you have another one?’

Repertoire iko juu so I give her my list. We sing all songs and I am sure she is impressed. And then she tells me, ati auditions have been postponed. To next week. And I should practice just one more week and we will be fine.

My naive be self is like, ‘more time to practice.’ Mungu yuko.

So practice I do. 2 hours today and purpose to do 2 hours everyday. kama kawaida. I mean I need the Lord’s help here. Iko nini.

Sunday, next day, mimi huyo church. Seated at the front. Worship team wamepiga huduma. Wamenibless. Tugange yajayo. Ata napanga kuokoka saa hiyo hiyo.

Youth pastor na mbio zake, ‘yesterday we had auditions for the new worship team. And I would like to invite them over to the stage so that we pray for them. Let me also say this is probably going to be the Dream Team of Worship Teams. I see greatness, I see dedication and I see destinies. There will never be any like this. And it will be led by Lilian.’

I think aliombea pia relationship zao za future. Sema kucheswo.
Na fine ghel is not butting an eyelid.

Of course Machozi pale balancing on the front but flooding on the inside.

Pastor akasema, ‘Stretch your hands towards this team.’

Me I am not stretching.

Pastor: In fact everyone in the front row just come and lay your hands on them. Bless them. Speaks blessing… rrrrababosh…

Fam, what was that???
I couldn’t believe it. Hiyo zone ata sijui ni gani ama inaitwa aje. Mschew.

Any way, the crush ended after that service. Ok, maybe one year later. But I kept my peace. If I can’t sing with you in the same team, please remove the jam. Also, she was in Maina Wanjigi Secondary School.



(Names and Places have been changed to hide the true identity of persons mentioned)


Creative Writer | Photographer | Filmmaker

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
    Pau this is hilarious! Great writing 👌👌👌
    Now I know!

    1. Aaawwww…. Thanks for reading and commenting Eve. Really appreciate it.

      Yes, NOW YOU KNOW!

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    1. Why thank you, will check it out.


  3. From Banda School to secondary! Guy that mama did fracture your ego.

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