Next day, Wangechi and her mom or aunt, not sure, come by for the bag.
It’s a chilled out Saturday morning, nothing much happening. Luckily Ki Mungu Mungu, my mum is not home. But her two super effective espionage agents from Scotland Yard are at home. My sisters.
Kwanza we hear a car pulling up. A brand new sleek Nissan B12 with tum sharp edges. Then Kta kta kta kta kta kta kta. Hizo ni pair mbili za ma plati zinakanyaga floor ya ploti.
Alafu, ‘Knock. Knock. Knock.’
Now the rule is our house was that the oldest person always gets the door. But they have the right to devolve that function if and when needed. But today is not that day. We were also expecting visitors anyway because my mum had said that bag was not leaving our house until the owner comes for it. And a good owner always comes for their bag.
If you have know idea how I ended up with that bag, you need to read WANGECHI DRAMA PART I.
One of my sisters, Cee, opens the door.
‘Awwww…. Good morning young lady. Is this the Otieno residence?’ Antithe ako na accent mojarrr kalirrr sanarrr.
My sister just opened her mouth wide. ‘Ati ang’owa?’
Me and my sister, Dee, after hearing the salutations and massives, we run so fast to the door we almost went outside, save for our breaking system. Because no one has ever called our house a residence in our hearing.
We get there and Cee’s mouth is still open.
‘Yes. It is here. I have been here before.’ Wangechi says.
She sees me.
Wangechi: Hey Paulie…’
Fam, Wangechi ameniita Paulie. Aki. No one ever called me Paulie apart from my siblings, and immediate neighbors. Not my friends. Not even my folks. How did she know to call me Paulie? I am just blushiiiiiiing. My heart has just received its first ever soothing massage. I am officially nearly-in-love. This woman right here, this is my missing rib. It has come home.
My sisters are feeling betrayed, not by my now obvious affection, but that my name is being spoken by the lady I carry bags for. But being my mum’s spies, they didn’t show it. Yet. But I knew it was coming.
Anyway, ‘Paulie, do you have my bag or did you lose it?’
Kizungu kwanza imenipiga boxing hapo, naona tu blackout. I am on my last English life, for the day, so I am being very careful on how I use it. Because I spent the last four lives tracking Tim Njiru on Club Kiboko. I am tempted to show my prowess by starting with, ‘Honorable adjudicators, teachers, my fellows students, all protocols observed, in front of you today is me myself personally. On to my first point…’
But Cee interrupts my thoughts and says to Dee, ‘Lakini Dee, si hawa watu ni weupe sana. Si ndio? Ama ni mimi naona zangu?’
I am ashamed. I am also discombobulated by that statement. Sasa nimeona mastasis wanataka kunichomea picha live live. Nikiwa hapo. I come back from the inter schools debate mode chap chap to save face. I take charge of the situation.
ME: Your bag me is I am with it. Both my three sisters he will go and broughting it here.’
I show my teeth.
The four women can’t. Their brain cells are just dying due to the chronic nonsense they have just heard. My sisters are also wondering why in the world would they be involved in ‘broughting’, that bag. I see it in their eyes and I take myself back into house to get it. I come back and find that Wangechi is just there briefing them and yapping how I am the one who carries her bag.
Nam-signal acheze chini, yeye anaona ni kama nimekuja nampatia motisha. Meh. Ushuhuda tu ndio inatiririka. I am praying my sisters forget that part. But they never did.
Alafu anamalizia na ‘Anyway, if you had lost it, it would have been fine, because my dad would have had no choice but to buy me a new bag and the lost books inside as well.’ Sasa triplets tuna angaliana na mshangao haijaonekana mpaka leo.
Sasa mimi najiuliza swali moja tu, mimi siku ile nilikata karatasi moja tu, ya sketch book, kitabu homemade ya 32 pages, ati nijenge paper plane, niljionea mambo siwezi kurudia hapa. Huyu ni wa replacements tu?
(By the way, I was in class two and when I was asked where the plane was, I said it was in the parking. Hapo tu nikaambiwa niende embakasi nikailete, na nikuje na ule mtu aliipeleka huko. ME.)
Her mum / aunt was so jazzed, man. I think she bought me and my sisters sodas. She even wanted to wait for my mum and tell her how she is raising a fine lad. But ilibidii I convince her aende tu juu hiyo haina haja hataaaa. Besides, my mum had just travelled to our shags in Mars. But I promise to take her to them once she is back and we can negotiate bride price mara Moja.
I did take her to meet them. EVER!
Cee and Dee already don’t like the fact that I am Wangechi’s carrier corp. Wamemweka kwa black book, na sasa ni Cold War inakwom.
If you are a teenager and you like a girl, and your older sisters are my older sisters, and they don’t like the person you like, drama is just around the bend. Always. They don’t like her. Sasa kazi ni kunichomea picha. First things first, her name is changed from Wangechi to Ngavechi. And she hates that new nickname.
Sisters In Law 1. Potential Wife Nil.
From the Starehe School square, you got to our house first before any of our Rapudo 7 cohort crew. The square had St. Bridget’s Primary, Dr. Aggrey Primary, Muslim Primary, Pumwani Primary, Ainsworth Primary, New Juja Road Primary and then Race Course Primary where Blinky Bill and Nonini were being prepared for the actual world domination they would enjoy in a few years.
One Monday, hajui ako na wanted ya kilo.
Knock knock knock.
Wangechi: Paul yuko?
Cee: Who is asking? (She knows it’s her by the way).
Wangechi: Ni mimi. Wangechi. Mwambie atoke twende tuition.
Cee: (Shouting) Oooh. Kumbe ni wewe. Ngoja kidogo. Dee, ambia huyo kichwa ndimu ule msichana alituambia ako na kichwa kama kashata anamwita hapa.
Dee: (Shouting back). Oh, amemkujia? Sawa. Wacha nimshow. (To me now). Wewe masikio pepeta jiko, ule msichana yuko na miguu kama kiberiti anakuita mkasome. Na usibebe hiyo bag.
Si now I am between a rock and a hard place. Coz I don’t know how to face the woman I am trying to impress and see the disappointment in her face, or just wait for my mum to be told I skived tuition and join my ancestors from South Sudan who had gone ahead of me.
I man up, pick up the bag and head to school.
Her: Paulie yuko.
Them: Alihama sikuizi anaishi kwa jirani.
Yet another time.
Them: (To me) Wewe kichwa malenge, matuta tatu anakuita mkasome.
So nikashow Ngavechi, just lenga them. Pay them no mind. And she lengad them. Masomo inaendelea, na urafiki inaendelea.
Sasa birthday ya Wangechi imefika na tumeitwa kwa karamu ya kukata na shoka.
Hiyo ndio siku kakaumana.
First of all sisi tution boys tuliambiwa vile tuoge, vile tuvae na vile tutaongelesha wageni wao.
But I had my own instructions.
It get’s worse.